Absolutely FUCKING LOVE John Galliano's runway makeup for Spring 2010, Oh my! It's so wild. It's like Mary Antoinette gone punk, haunted Jane Eyres, doll-faced mannequins on really bad acid, all shadowy and ashen and sexy and hedonistic... Ooohhh I seriously love it. I'm thinking perhaps an attempt at something similar for tomorrow, All Hallow's Eve? Witches' playtime.
It's gonna be exactly one year since mine and Kezzie's *wonderful* magical Hallowe'en in Norway, down on the fjord with all our candles and all the stillness... For some reason I have always absolutely loved Hallowe'en - not all the plastic pumpkins and 'Scream' masks and hyper little kids up to their eyeballs with sugar, don't get me wrong - I always just... it's so cosy, with the fire lit, and its like, getting rid of the old, starting afresh...
Enough brambling on and on.
Just bloody well LOOK at these incredible, beautiful works of art! Eeeeee they make me want to train as a makeup artist and do stuff like this <3
... in about half an hour. Got a huge, huge supply of new music to listen to plus a good book - Rough Music by Patrick Gale - to make the drive bearable! Though I'm hoping that my laptop will have enough battery for me to watch a few episodes of Criminal Justice instead, as I actually cannot be bothered to read in the car and get all seasick in the backseat. Bleeurrgh.
Anyway. Had to quickly post up these amazing drawings for some of the storyboards of The Clangers - Oh My Gaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwssshhhh I love them!!
The love was rekindled last night upon finding Harry's toy Clanger after we'd had two bottles of champagne, some beer and some rum. It was so cute, and it starts babbling away in it's little ridiculous language when you squeeze it's tummy, or sit on it, if you're Karis and rolling around drunkenly on Harry's bed.
When I try and sleep at night, I can hear the pair of owls in the graveyard calling to each other - a sort of muffled "coo" - and I find their musical tones lull me into my pillow...
The sound of them softly hooting to each other through the darkness is so reassuring and romantic, haha. Nocturnal love birds nesting in the trees. It's all at once a bit lonely and melancholy, but soothing and so peaceful, I love it, I love them. I'm not really sure what sort of owls they are but I thiiiiink they're probably... Tawny owls?
This picture always makes me shiver full of awe and discomfort :S It's a weird mix of feeling like you're intruding and being invited to look at the same time, at this guy; it's surprising how effective this photo is actually, as it was all choreographed and set up and collaged together, to get this final image. So it's not even real. Really. But it is, totally. It's still very stirring. Ahh the power of photography...
Browsing in Foyle's Bookshop on the South Bank... found a book on illustration and stumbled across a few pages by this artist - - Carolina Melis :) Looooook! really inspires me, I think it's beautiful. Picture book delicacies mmm...
and a picture from my final A-Level Photography project on 'Colour and Detail'
Last ever day of college tomorrow, eee. Weird. Cool. Exciting. Can't wait :D
And then the ball in the evening, which is of course gonna be a highly glamorous affair! *cough* The ball, in, er, Paignton. Followed by 'avin it large in Torquay. Yes indeed we're a classy bunch...
Sorted out what I'm gonna wear though, booya. Little black dress lots of gold and sparkles and witchy cat boots :)
Also, very excited for the summer! Kicks off with a trip to Barcelonaaaa next month, and a little excursion to the Sonar festival. Holy fuck I'm excited. Ahhh. Ahhh!!! Sonar music Las Ramblas tapas beer sun people buildings beach buskers smoke city lights fountains fun and frolicks... and not much sleep... S'gonna be a right old adventure! I should probably learn some Spanish??
Yes. Yes yes please. Tipis, and green, and sunshine, and friends, and music, and stalls, and stars, and pancakes at 4am, and lanterns, and burlesque and booty and mud and chai tea and lots and lots of chilled out good times :) Well, hopefully I shall be going.
Oh my christ. Can't get over the lineup for that either, wooooooo!
So lots of nice sociable things on the horizon. And summertime here, and parties and plans and the never-ending quest for money and generally getting all I can from life, as much as possible. It's amazing how numb I was until a few months ago. Now I'm feeling better - feeling better most of the time, not all the time, and I don't think I'll ever be able to fully shake this off as it'll always be a part of me, as it's happened and it's done and it's what I experienced - but everything is just clear and sharp and feels extra strong, and extra special, and a bit overwhelming a lot of the time, but in a good way. It's like I was in a bubble and I could still see out, but was never quite present, everything was just tainted by.... well, me. And now the bubble's burst, and I'm in touch again, with you and me and the weather and those smiles and kisses and tears and oh my GOD to have energy again, jesus. I always thought I was lazy but I wasn't, I just didn't have the energy. To do or feel anything really, honestly.
I'm getting myself back yo :) I'm getting there. Hoo-bloody-rah.
Rambling rambling... ramble ramble bramble candles. Blackberry brambles rambling through the candles and picking through thorns in berry coloured sandals. Oh yes. The hedgerows are absolutely GORGEOUS this time of year, this part of the world. So green and lively :)
Anyway! I'll leave you with a nice picture of a beautiful fantastic woman who I love a lot a lot a lot <3 Digging the look she's got going on here too. Looks a bit like me. Haha.
Arrived Saturday afternoon, cold and a blustery wind. Waited for hours, knackered, at airport, listening to different languages and marveling at the different types of chewing gum they have out here. The cafe had a glass roof and a tree growing in the middle of all the tables.
Finally got bus to Hervick and met Yuli's friend, Clare, who took us to her guest house where we stayed the night. Stunning and very wealthy neighborhood! All the houses built out of wood, big, with big windows, surrounded by really tall autumnul trees. A whirl of rustling yellow leaves all around. And the guest house absolutely lovely, cosy, comfortable, would happily live there. Views of pine trees and the nearby fjord from nearly all the windows.
Sunday went to a market - indoors, full of brick-a-brack - a flea market sort of affair... Lots of china and ancient pieces of lace and bargaining Norwegians. Me and Kez wandered round but without money - though felt very bouyant without our huge rucksacks on, which we'd been carrying for miles around town. Sat by the river, waiting, getting frosty, watching the passing people and their dogs. Went and had absolutely huge lunch in trés posh café, warm, swanky, Café Del Mar soundtrack, about £10 for a salad... Then began the mammoth mission of finding our hut. Bus - walk - hill - heavy - lost - found a sofa - waited - cold - Yuli broke her ankle! SHIT. Hobbled up long, bumpy track regardless - nearly dark - couldn't find the key - locked out of the hut and it's cold. Found key! It was buried in the undergrowth. All in all, bad start. Managed to get in eventually but I felt tired, crap and homesick...
Monday was on and off too. Walked down to road, Yuli in pain, me and Kez finding Eloise difficult, me just freezing and wanting to be somewhere else... Got bus, taxi. Yuli to hospital. Rest of us had difficult day shopping with hire car. Very surreal actually, walking around this shiny and massive car showroom, given the situation... Gross pasty for lunch which made me feel bloating, groggy and sick. Dehydrated, headachey, urgh. Felt better after water and jazz pianist playing in the foyer of the shopping mall. Also, stole a trolly from the supermarket - surprisingly easy! Just walked out with it. Spent way too much money in the wool shop, probably bought an entire alpaca's worth.
Yuli still at hospital so me and Kez went back to hut and had a lovely, relaxed, girly night together. Wine - knitting - worries - guys - love - life - cheesy music - plans - drugs - more knitting (we're actually addicted). "Just one more line...!" We'll knit when we're young and nimble, get completely fucked and take loads of drugs when we're old and it doesn't matter. Plan. Cosy - late to bed - pissing outside - stargazing - SO beautiful, clear crisp. We saw two shooting stars! One each :) Magic.
Tuesday we got up early for some reason, bustled about, nice + easy + chilled. The onflux of Eloise and Mette a scary prospect filling us with jitters. They arrived, picked us up, and the four of us - plus Yuli on crutches and all bandaged up - had a lurchy, nauseating drive to Folk Museum Café for salad. First impressions of Mette: vivacious, eccentric, obviously very beautiful in her youth - still beautiful now, but faded. Dark blue eyes and thick dark hair. After lunch me and Kez went round the Folk Museum outside, old peasant houses with grass rooves and thick wooden structures. Again, cold and crisp, sun, blue sky, everywhere yellows, browns and reds. Afterwards we browsed the shop and then Mette drove us on a tour around Oslo. Modern, glass, huge and captivating new architecture of the opera house - the sun makes rainbows in the glass and you can walk on the roof. Lots of traffic. Drove through the city, really really gorgeous parts which I wanted to explore. Wide and leafy streets, wintery people wrapped up in coats, bare trees, welcoming shop windows made me want to go shopping, crisscrossing tram lines everywhere - even through fountains! Lots of old buildings, a weird mixture of a European city vibe and a newer American feel. Wealthy, materialistic, but exciting. Want to come back one day to see the city properly. Then we went to the Gustav Vigeland sculpture park: words cannot really describe the atmosphere there. Beautiful dusky sky, and sun, and completely empty. The wheel of life, leading to the zodiac, leading to humanity. The statues were so powerful. Moving - humbling - beautiful - emotional. Vigeland seemed to have captured everything about is - age, love, conflict, nurturing, caring, progressing and regressing. It was all there and it just made me feel part of something. So captivating. I couldn't take a picture of one of them cos he was looking right at me, his expression was so real and like... Questioning? Judging? Watching? Equal? Inferior or superior? Or not anything, but it was somehow extremely powerful and stopped me from doing anything. I could have stayed there for hours, soaking it in, but we had to go because it was so cold. My favourite was a couple sitting back to back - they looked so connected.
Anyway, that was a really thought provoking experience, would love to go back one day. The evening was spent at Mette's very big, gilded, thrown together, German/English, leather sofa and chandelier filled house. Don't think her opinion of me improved as I couldn't finish my dinner. Rude little English girl. Plus Eloise said, audibly and rudely (I heard her from two rooms away) "... Oh yeah and Ella doesn't eat much, so..." Just as there was a lull in conversation where I was. We all heard it. Fucking bitch - so what? Christ I try my best around other people, but she doesn't know me, and sometimes it is difficult. I've mostly been ok this week, but that was horrible. Felt judged and put down and sick. Didn't set me up very well for the huge meal we had either. But y'know, who's she, I don't really know her and she doesn't understand anything so she can't know. So I tried to overcome that comment, but it struck me down a lot. Kezzie there to comfort me! She's also finding her hard to be around.
After an intense and confusing Bridge lesson the three of us drove back to our hut for the night, Yuli stayed behind so she could rest.
I'm writing all this on Wednesday, not sure what time it is but it feels like early afternoon. IT'S FUCKING SNOWED! My holy mother of God, it's snowed. Woke up this morning to a thick, white blanket covering everything outside like a big, gentle, crystally Christmassy mountain duvet. So exciting and BEAUTIFUL! Jumped out of bed and went outside like an eager little forest dwelling elf to take photos and enjoy it's beauty. God I love it. This little hut feels even more isolated and cosy than before! Wish I could share this with everyone at home so much. There is literally a freezing ice white icing, snow on a cake, dusting all the trees, must be a good 6 inches on the ground... Our mushroom patch must be well and truly frosted. Me and Kez ran around and made snow angels and got really cold, but had fantastic fun :D Eeee! I love the snoooooooow... All the pine trees are ornated with it...
The rest of Wednesday took place back at Clare's - had a shower, forgotten how good it feels to be clean! Then Nick and Clare drove me and Kezzie back up to our private little house in the woods... Went tramping through the snow to find it. Little glowing window in the dark looked so homely! Finally the two of us had a bit of time to ourselves - we got extraordinarily tipsy of just THREE shots of (actually pretty lethal, evidentally) Norwegian spirit and had a very merry and hilarious evening. Also had a really long chat before the drink came out, which was brill to catch up with each other. Sounds like Kez has gone through some tough times recently :( Still - giggles, pop, sex chat, cocks, shroom hunting in the snow, cheesy music (again), photos, desperate searching round the house in cupboards and corners for more alcohol, teabag rollies made with herbs, munchies, candles, singing, cosy, merry, wanting to be more drunky - or smokey - or shroomy... Late to bed, happy and tired :)
Thursday was really chilled as didn't sleep well last night. Got up late - knitted all afternoon in warm comfort... Snow still fresh and thick outside. It's so peaceful and private up here - everything has got this tranquil, muffled quality, and the hut is even more cosy and welcoming. It's quite lovely to piss in the snow and look around to see yourself surrounded by pine trees and just an endless blanket of white! Uh oh - water in the tap ran out. Me and Kez thus had to exercise the old survival skills and melt pans full of snow for all our water, tasted absolutely rank - all vegetation and fermenting leaves and bugs. Mmmm... Anyway, so that was exciting, added to the experience! We did a photo shoot in the snow, many outfits and much posing - stunning backdrop of the pine forest - got some really good pics, 'twas great fun :) Kez standing there in her underwear in the freezing conditions - running inside to get warm. Nice lazy evening, more knitting by candlelight, chatting, laughing, music - both of us talking for hours about guys and, er, stuff... Hah, two horny straight girls strapped up a mountain, miles from human civilization - bound to realize how randy we are haha. >>cough<<>
On Friday we had to get up early and pack and sort the hut out etc, ready to leave. Both of us knackered - hadn't slept well. Had got up around midnight cos we'd been lying there in bed for hours not getting comfy. Munched enthusiastically, packed, wrote in visitor's book, back to bed... When we left in the morning we had to walk along the track - in the snow - with all our bags - cos the car which was meant to be picking us up had been halted by a fallen tree. Not impressed. However, quite a gorgeous walk though, crunching through the woods, blue sky and sun. Dropped our stuff back at Clare's - hung around for a bit whilst Kez and Yuli cleared the air between them. Feeling calmer we all went to the huge mall in Slovenvick (?) - retail therapy!! For hours! :) Got a bit tetchy - me, hungry and keen to get back for Hallowe'en rituals. The others had been roped into conversation with preaching Norwegian lady with a saggy face and grey mullet - "I'm sure Jesus will find you" - um, no. More delights in the amazing wool shop. Attractive blonde Scandinavian men all over the place.
Got back to Clare's, I carved our pumpkin with a blunt knife, a spoon and a lot of brute force. Wanted some witchy music but all I could find on the radio was awful chart "hits" and something like Classic FM. Sooooo, last meal with everyone plus Clare and Nick, pizza, salads, honey beer... Was a nice evening.
Then, me and Kezzie wrapped up warm and, packed with candles, matches, torch, chocolates for savouring, pens and paper and the pumpkin lantern, we walking through the frosty night down to the beach at the edge of the fjord. It was so magical and so beautiful. The water was completely still, like glass, not a breath of wind. We sat by the shore with our pumpkin and lit some candles, and looking out over the water, at the twinkling city lights, and all the shimmering reflections, and the stars and the darkness, we had a little pagan ritual of sorts.. Burnt what we want to leave behind and set afloat what we want from the future, in little paper flower boats, drifting away across the water. It was such a wonderful moment, standing together at the fjord's edge, watching our paper boats and sharing it all. Perfect hallow's eve celebration! And then we floated our candles out too - the little tealights - which was absolutely gorgeous. Four little flames slowly gliding through the stillness and the blackness. They casted wonderful circular shadows and beams of light under the water, too. And off they all went! We ate our chocolate watching it all. Really, such a lovely moment, will remember it all my life, I really love Kez so much! Very special time together all this week really, but especially on this night. We walked back before we saw any of the candles go out - by this point the water was covered in an eerie mist, which sort of smoked and drifted across the surface. Even more apt for hallowe'en.
Such a good way to spend our last night in Norway, I'm so glad it happened and I got to share it with Kez. X
I kept a diary whilst I went to Norway with Kesella last year, which I wrote in an old sketch book... though it ran out of paper, so had to write on the sheets of tracing paper which go between each page to protect your art from smudging. It's quite a nostalgic little book, I got it really young and it's full of my old drawings. One of some dolphins swimming by a shoal of red fish and seahorses. Pine trees in the snow and people sledging down hills (bit of a coincidence, seeing where I ended up - snowy Scandinavia). A pastel drawing of the elephant at Sands which I did on my last day there... I remember drawing it, it was a sunny day and I was sitting by myself under the magnolia tree, feeling kinda sad and serene and tranquil.
That is going off topic.
Point is, I'm gonna write up my Norway diary on here, just so there's a more permanent record of it really, but if you'd be interested in reading it that's a bonus :) Would love to do more travelling in the future... Rome, Paris, Venice, Florence, Oslo, New York, Amsterdam, Barcelona (again)... There's a wholleee woooorld out there! Totnes feels very small sometimes.
... Quoteage from Buddha's Teachings, which I just found on the bookshelf, and is really interesting :) I love the sound of that quote very much, it's just... yeah. Beautifully poetic. Wish I'd written it! Or could write like that :/
Me and Alexa went up to a local dog walking spot, 'twas a looovely day, but very windy and cold. Quickly posed and frolicked about in the undergrowth and up trees, getting very strange glances from passing couples walking golden retrievers etc etc, trying to control her wonderful red cloak in the blustery icey cold wind as it kept getting snagged on branches. Brisk walk home for much needed cup of tea :)
Got some awesome shots anyway... Here's one I really like:
In the evening of the same day was Beth's party, which was grand fun :D Fairy lights, balloons, sound system, 2 litres of vodka in the fridge plus copious more amounts of beer/wine/cider, good friends, dancing feet and party poppers :) I had bought some bitch drinks that were on special offer in Morrisons, DEAR GOD, never again. First of all the sheer volume of E numbers that must've been in there gave me such a sugar high that I was stupidly hyper for most of the night (which was actually quite nice) - secondly they tasted of soap - thirdly I didn't quite realize how much I'd drank until it was too late, and I was then badly and heartily ill :( Oh dear, what an embarrassing state of affairs...
Still, I'd made it to 18 without ever being sick off alcohol, so I don't suppose I've done too badly haha.
The rest of the night was great anyway :) Lots of dancing to Daft Punk and dressing up in Beth's clothes? Emma gave me a ride in the Morrisons shopping trolly, it was practically formula one...
Hmm, I like hearing tales of drunken shenanigans :) Anyone got any to share?!
...One of those days where something so good happens it stays with you forever :) What incredible thing was this you may ask? I tried music therapy for the first time and found it so fucking helpful, in tapping into my mind, and just... just getting me TALKING and getting out all these thoughts I didn't even know I had, that had been stored away on some hidden level in the deepest depths of my mind. And once I'd started talking things just sort of... released? The bastard voice in me has become smaller and I've become bigger and it feels so fucking good. And then we did some drama therapy, and movement therapy, and it just felt like I'd taken this huge step forward. Which I did :)
I amaze myself sometimes. It's such an invaluable process, doing
this... My self-confidence is growing, as is my self-awareness. It's a slow process, there's no denying that. There will be up days and down days and steps back. But every time I relapse, I eventually get back up again. And each time, I'm starting just that little bit further on... I'm not starting from scratch again. Every big step forward, like the one I had yesterday, they all add up. They all make a difference.
This picture by Edmund Dulac gives me beauty. Isn't it stunning? I was kinda named after the constellation Ursa Major, the great bear - one of my middle names is Ursula - as I was such a fiesty baby during childbirth. Without going into too many gory details I apparently twisted round, backwards, got stuck, couldn't move... Had to be cut outta that womb like a badass, hah. Anyway, so they called me Ursula, after the strength of this great bear. I think they also just liked the name and might've called me that anyway, whatever kind of birth I had :S
So I've always felt an affinity with bears in a way, polar bears in particular. They're such beautiful and majestic animals. This is one of those pictures that just makes me smile.
Someone had written this in the condensation of the glass windows of the English block at college today...
Presumably the 'abused' was meant with sexual undertones - Haha, I found it amusing anyway. An example of my childishness coming through here...
Well, I've just been playing Bonobo really loud and dancing around my room. He's great yo! I badly want to: A) see him live, B) join a dance class, C) get a new stereo. I've blasted the bass in my crappy speakers and they make everything go all distorted when you play it above a certain volume...
My relationship with my parents is weird at the moment. Most of the time it's like we're just getting in each other's way, and just living in the same house - we're not really living with each other... So often now when I talk to mum I just end up getting annoyed/angry/hot/so frustrated that my head starts aching right in my forehead, between my eyebrows. Not an ache really just a... heat. Like. Yeah, it's hard to describe.
If you happen to stumble across this blog, be warned that it'll probably turn into me rambling on about my feelings a lot of the time :/
For my final piece of Photography coursework I'm basing my images on lyrics by singer/songwriter Chloë March. Her songwriting is totally gorgeous and the lyrics spark my imagination so much, so I'm really excited about this project. There are a lot of photographic possibilities to explore!
Check out her site: www.chloemarch.co.uk
Whichever way you swing :) She is also my auntie! Which makes me feel very proud - there is indeed hope for us to follow our creative passi
ons... Her voice is incredible, if you like mystical sounding melodies and electronic piano/synth based music... Have a listen.
Hearing her sing and play the piano in my Gran's living room is one of the most wonderful things!
~* ~* So, the song I've chosen to base my final prints on is called 'Wolvish'. I'm thinking wintery, raggedy girl in the words, standing amongst some silver birches... She's shed her cloak and is freeee and animalistic. Strong. Fierce but not malicious. Pale face and dark eyes, wild hair. This pic was quite inspiring also, by artist Warwick Goble (what a brilliant name!) -
I was going to go and do this shoot today, with Alexa as my model, however the weather was against me! Absolutely PISSING IT DOWN. Bless Alexa, she'd even brought her red-riding hood cloak into college. Gah... Annoying British climate.
One good thing about the rain is that it wasn't so cold today and I could leave the house with only FOUR layers on, as opposed to the usual six, haha.
It has two meanings: the first I absolutely love, meaning a sudden, unrestrained expression of emotion. It's lovely, no? "Upon feeling warmth in the sun for the first time this year, I let out an ebullition of joy."
Secondly it means simply the state or appearance of boiling: "Oh, the kettle's ebullited. Soya milk, no sugar please..."
Anyway, apparently 'ebullition' is derived from the Latin word ebullire, which means 'to bubble up'.
I love it... Encapsulating the idea of bubbling, fizzing emotions. So powerful and intense you just have to shout about it! Those moments of sheer joy, euphoria... I guess it could go the other way too - feelings of grief, shock, pain, anger etc. Anything and everything, as long as you feel it strongly... Ahh, I love the English language. There are some real hidden gems in there which I've been discovering in a book my auntie Chloë bought me for christmas - Foyle's Philavery: A treasury of unusual words. It's brilliant. I'm trying to have a word of the day and actually learn some of them, but this is proving easier said than done.
Yesterday I almost had an ebullition at the cinema when I went to see Defiance. It was an incredible film and I would recommend it highly... however I happened to be sitting next to a group of obnoxious little shits who talked the WHOLE way through, which was very irritating and distracting and made me want to punch every one of them right in the mouth. Literally, I was so pissed off... Watching such a horrific, engaging film and trying to soak it all in with some chav dildo farting and sniggering right next to me. Damnit!
Oh well, I told them to shut up, then got so freaked out at my own boldness that I had to sit back in my seat, breathe calmly for about 5 minutes and have some water. Haha, I'm obviously not made for confrontation. Either that or I'm a coward... Hmm. Maybe a bit of both, I don't know.
So anyway, those bastards ruined the cinematic experience slightly. I'd love to see Defiance again, it had some beautiful photography/filmography, whatever you wanna call it - and it was even more amazing for it being a true story. It'd be great to learn more about the actual Jewish camp that was built in the forest to be honest. I think the Second World War was one of the most hideous but important things to have happened in recent history, I hate feeling so ignorant about it. But it's so necessary to know about it, know about our history. Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree doing art?! I should become a historian.