Monday, 26 January 2009

Wolfy Wolvish Riding Hood...

...Photo shoot, at last! 
Me and Alexa went up to a local dog walking spot, 'twas a looovely day, but very windy and cold. Quickly posed and frolicked about in the undergrowth and up trees, getting very strange glances from passing couples walking golden retrievers etc etc, trying to control her wonderful red cloak in the blustery icey cold wind as it kept getting snagged on branches. Brisk walk home for much needed cup of tea :)
Got some awesome shots anyway... Here's one I really like:

In the evening of the same day was Beth's party, which was grand fun :D Fairy lights, balloons, sound system, 2 litres of vodka in the fridge plus copious more amounts of beer/wine/cider, good friends, dancing feet and party poppers :) I had bought some bitch drinks that were on special offer in Morrisons, DEAR GOD, never again. First of all the sheer volume of E numbers that must've been in there gave me such a sugar high that I was stupidly hyper for most of the night (which was actually quite nice) - secondly they tasted of soap - thirdly I didn't quite realize how much I'd drank until it was too late, and I was then badly and heartily ill :( Oh dear, what an embarrassing state of affairs... 
Still, I'd made it to 18 without ever being sick off alcohol, so I don't suppose I've done too badly haha.
The rest of the night was great anyway :) Lots of dancing to Daft Punk and dressing up in Beth's clothes? Emma gave me a ride in the Morrisons shopping trolly, it was practically formula one... 

Hmm, I like hearing tales of drunken shenanigans :) Anyone got any to share?!

Wednesday, 21 January 2009


...One of those days where something so good happens it stays with you forever :) What incredible thing was this you may ask? I tried music therapy for the first time and found it so fucking helpful, in tapping into my mind, and just... just getting me TALKING and getting out all these thoughts I didn't even know I had, that had been stored away on some hidden level in the deepest depths of my mind. And once I'd started talking things just sort of... released? The bastard voice in me has become smaller and I've become bigger and it feels so fucking good. And then we did some drama therapy, and movement therapy, and it just felt like I'd taken this huge step forward. Which I did :) 
I amaze myself sometimes. It's such an invaluable process, doing
 this... My self-confidence is growing, as is my self-awareness. It's a slow process, there's no denying that. There will be up days and down days and steps back. But every time I relapse, I eventually get back up again. And each time, I'm starting just that little bit further on... I'm not starting from scratch again. Every big step forward, like the one I had yesterday, they all add up. They all make a difference.

This picture by Edmund Dulac gives me beauty. Isn't it stunning? I was kinda named after the constellation Ursa Major, the great bear - one of my middle names is Ursula - as I was such a fiesty baby during childbirth. Without going into too many gory details I apparently twisted round, backwards, got stuck, couldn't move... Had to be cut outta that womb like a badass, hah. Anyway, so they called me Ursula, after the strength of this great bear. I think they also just liked the name and might've called me that anyway, whatever kind of birth I had :S

So I've always felt an affinity with bears in a way, polar bears in particular. They're such beautiful and majestic animals. This is one of those pictures that just makes me smile. 

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

"I abused a platypus"

Someone had written this in the condensation of the glass windows of the English block at college today...
Presumably the 'abused' was meant with sexual undertones - Haha, I found it amusing anyway. An example of my childishness coming through here...

Well, I've just been playing Bonobo really loud and dancing around my room. He's great yo! I badly want to: A) see him live, B) join a dance class, C) get a new stereo. I've blasted the bass in my crappy speakers and they make everything go all distorted when you play it above a certain volume...

My relationship with my parents is weird at the moment. Most of the time it's like we're just getting in each other's way, and just living in the same house - we're not really living with each other... So often now when I talk to mum I just end up getting annoyed/angry/hot/so frustrated that my head starts aching right in my forehead, between my eyebrows. Not an ache really just a... heat. Like. Yeah, it's hard to describe.

If you happen to stumble across this blog, be warned that it'll probably turn into me rambling on about my feelings a lot of the time :/

Monday, 12 January 2009


For my final piece of Photography coursework I'm basing my images on lyrics by singer/songwriter Chloƫ March. Her songwriting is totally gorgeous and the lyrics spark my imagination so much, so I'm really excited about this project. There are a lot of photographic possibilities to explore!

Check out her site: 

Whichever way you swing :) She is also my auntie! Which makes me feel very proud - there is indeed hope for us to follow our creative passi
ons... Her voice is incredible, if you like mystical sounding melodies and electronic piano/synth based music... Have a listen.
Hearing her sing and play the piano in my Gran's living room is one of the most wonderful things!

~* ~* So, the song I've chosen to base my final prints on is called 'Wolvish'. I'm thinking wintery, raggedy girl in the words, standing amongst some silver birches... She's shed her cloak and is freeee and animalistic. Strong. Fierce but not malicious. Pale face and dark eyes, wild hair. This pic was quite inspiring also, by artist Warwick Goble (what a brilliant name!) -

I was going to go and do this shoot today, with Alexa as my model, however the weather was against me! Absolutely PISSING IT DOWN. Bless Alexa, she'd even brought her red-riding hood cloak into college. Gah... Annoying British climate.
One good thing about the rain is that it wasn't so cold today and I could leave the house with only FOUR layers on, as opposed to the usual six, haha.

Sunday, 11 January 2009

Word of the day: "Ebullition"

It has two meanings: the first I absolutely love, meaning a sudden, unrestrained expression of emotion. It's lovely, no? "Upon feeling warmth in the sun for the first time this year, I let out an ebullition of joy." 
Secondly it means simply the state or appearance of boiling: "Oh, the kettle's ebullited. Soya milk, no sugar please..."

Anyway, apparently 'ebullition' is derived from the Latin word ebullire, which means 'to bubble up'.
I love it... Encapsulating the idea of bubbling, fizzing emotions. So powerful and intense you just have to shout about it! Those moments of sheer joy, euphoria... I guess it could go the other way too - feelings of grief, shock, pain, anger etc. Anything and everything, as long as you feel it strongly... Ahh, I love the English language. There are some real hidden gems in there which I've been discovering in a book my auntie ChloĆ« bought me for christmas - Foyle's Philavery: A treasury of unusual words. It's brilliant. I'm trying to have a word of the day and actually learn some of them, but this is proving easier said than done.

Yesterday I almost had an ebullition at the cinema when I went to see Defiance. It was an incredible film and I would recommend it highly... however I happened to be sitting next to a group of obnoxious little shits who talked the WHOLE way through, which was very irritating and distracting and made me want to punch every one of them right in the mouth. Literally, I was so pissed off... Watching such a horrific, engaging film and trying to soak it all in with some chav dildo farting and sniggering right next to me. Damnit! 
Oh well, I told them to shut up, then got so freaked out at my own boldness that I had to sit back in my seat, breathe calmly for about 5 minutes and have some water. Haha, I'm obviously not made for confrontation. Either that or I'm a coward... Hmm. Maybe a bit of both, I don't know. 

So anyway, those bastards ruined the cinematic experience slightly. I'd love to see Defiance again, it had some beautiful photography/filmography, whatever you wanna call it - and it was even more amazing for it being a true story. It'd be great to learn more about the actual Jewish camp that was built in the forest to be honest. I think the Second World War was one of the most hideous but important things to have happened in recent history, I hate feeling so ignorant about it. But it's so necessary to know about it, know about our history. Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree doing art?! I should become a historian.