Yesterday...

...One of those days where something so good happens it stays with you forever :) What incredible thing was this you may ask? I tried music therapy for the first time and found it so fucking helpful, in tapping into my mind, and just... just getting me TALKING and getting out all these thoughts I didn't even know I had, that had been stored away on some hidden level in the deepest depths of my mind. And once I'd started talking things just sort of... released? The bastard voice in me has become smaller and I've become bigger and it feels so fucking good. And then we did some drama therapy, and movement therapy, and it just felt like I'd taken this huge step forward. Which I did :) 

I amaze myself sometimes. It's such an invaluable process, doing

 this... My self-confidence is growing, as is my self-awareness. It's a slow process, there's no denying that. There will be up days and down days and steps back. But every time I relapse, I eventually get back up again. And each time, I'm starting just that little bit further on... I'm not starting from scratch again. Every big step forward, like the one I had yesterday, they all add up. They all make a difference.

This picture by Edmund Dulac gives me beauty. Isn't it stunning? I was kinda named after the constellation Ursa Major, the great bear - one of my middle names is Ursula - as I was such a fiesty baby during childbirth. Without going into too many gory details I apparently twisted round, backwards, got stuck, couldn't move... Had to be cut outta that womb like a badass, hah. Anyway, so they called me Ursula, after the strength of this great bear. I think they also just liked the name and might've called me that anyway, whatever kind of birth I had :S

So I've always felt an affinity with bears in a way, polar bears in particular. They're such beautiful and majestic animals. This is one of those pictures that just makes me smile.